Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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