Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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