She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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