I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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