When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
