Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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