hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
