Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i dont even know how to be here
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
