For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
