dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
