I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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