I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
