i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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