You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
