I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she peed on how many people?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
