When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
