My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
