i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize