I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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