We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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