To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
