So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
