my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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