Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
