I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize