Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
