walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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