When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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