If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
