I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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