I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
