I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
