You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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