he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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