I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
