I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
