he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize