I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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