I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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