i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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