i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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