she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
