At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
