Heybabeimwearingurpanties
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you had me at cake vodka
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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