she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
