Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
