My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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