i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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