For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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