Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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