I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
