It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i think i just lost a toe
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize