I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
