well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well I just put wine in my tea
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
