Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
