does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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