Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
