I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
