bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
