he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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