i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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