I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
