can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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